Monday, January 21, 2008

Caption This (Special Edition)

Republican presidential candidate and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (L) talks with actor Chuck Norris during a campaign rally in Des Moines, Iowa, January 1, 2008.

Sorry fellas but I didn't pick a winner for last week's caption contest....I'm revamping, and doing a take on "Chuck Norris facts". You are welcomed to contribute, either a Chuck fact or a Huck fact. Here are ones that I've compiled, many based off of existing ones:

  • Huck to Chuck: "Is it true you are going to sue Fred Thompson, because "Law and Order" are trademarked names for your left and right legs?"
  • Chuck to Huck: "For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For myself, each testicle is larger than the other one."
  • Huck: "Did you watch 60 Minutes last night?
  • Chuck: "Sure did! Watched the whole program in under 20 minutes."
  • Chuck to Huck: "Do you know why they didn't find a weapon of mass destruction in Iraq? Because I've never stepped foot over there."
  • Chuck to Huck: "I have to be honest: Your last campaign speech was so boring, I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills...and it actually made me blink."
  • Chuck to Huck: "Did I ever tell you about the time I auditioned for the role of "The Terminator"? James Cameron decided to give the part to Schwarzenegger, telling me that if he had given it to me, they'd be filming a documentary."
  • Huck: "Why is your show called, 'Walker: Texas Ranger'?"
  • Chuck: "Because, unlike you, I refuse to run."
  • Huck to Chuck: "What President Roosevelt actually said, was "There's nothing to fear, but fear itself...and Chuck Norris."
  • Chuck to Huck: "What President Roosevelt actually said, was "There's nothing to fear, but fear itself...and a Huckabee Administration."
  • There are only two kinds of voters: Those who vote for Huck; and those who are killed by Chuck.
  • There is no such thing as a lesbian; just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
  • There is no such thing as a RINO; just a Republican who has never met Mike Huckabee.
  • Chuck and Huck agree: There is no such thing as evolution...Just a long list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Huck: "What was going through Howard Dean's mind when he let out that death-curdling scream?
  • Chuck: "My boot."
  • Huck: "What exactly is a weapon of mass destruction?
  • Chuck: "A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick."
  • Huck: "Is it true that you're hung like a horse?"
  • Chuck: "No; but it's true that horses are hung like me."
  • Huck: "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Norris?"
  • The only reason Huckabee's campaign has gone this far, is because Chuck Norris kick-started it with a roundhouse.
  • Chuck to Huck: "Did you know that I was born in a round house that I built with my own two hands?"
  • Huck: "Thanks for breathing some life into my campaign."
  • Chuck: "I don't breath! I hold air hostage in my lungs!"
  • Huck: "What if I'm asked in the next debate to explain the 'Theory of Relativity'? What do I say?"
  • Chuck: "Tell them when you get kicked by a Chuck Norris roundhouse, even your relatives will feel it....and that's no theory!"
  • Who can kill the audience quicker? Huck on the bass, or Chuck being a badass?
  • Chuck croons: "These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you....followed by a roundhouse kick!"
  • Huck to Chuck: "Did you have to punch and kick everyone out on the dance floor?"
  • Chuck to Huck: "They were holding up Romney '08 signs."
    Huck to Chuck: "Oh....well, that changes things."
  • Huck didn't win Iowa: Chuck Norris won Iowa. Chuck didn't lose New Hampshire and Michigan: Huck lost New Hampshire and Michigan.
  • Huck to Chuck: "I'm nervous...I have to take a written quiz on Pakistan. What do I do?!"
  • Chuck to Huck: "If it were me taking the quiz, I'd just put "violence" down for each answer."
    Huck to Chuck: "How the hell does that get you an A+?"
    Chuck to Huck: "I'm Chuck Norris. I answer all of my problems with violence."
  • When Chuck Norris wants to see a true conservative, he looks in the mirror. When Mike Huckabee wants to see a true conservative, he looks at Chuck Norris.

Can you guys come up with any?

New ones will be added on here:

  • Huck fact: Huckabee actually does believe in the theory of evolution: in youth, one thinks with his heart, and is liberal; with age, evolves and thinks with his head, and is known as a conservative

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Blogger J_G said...

I should get extra credit Word, I started this Huck to Chuck thing here!:-)

Huck to Chuck: Did you hear about the Englishman, Scotsmen and Irishman?

Chuck to Huck: No, what happened?

Huck to Chuck: One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

Sunday, January 20, 2008 9:49:00 PM  
Blogger J_G said...

No, I won't be serious. How can I be when a guy like McCain can win and Huckabee come in second in a Republican primary in a Southern State with illegal immigration and the economy as the number one and two issues. How can anybody be taken seriously?

Sunday, January 20, 2008 10:05:00 PM  
Blogger Gayle said...

LOL! Great joke, JG.

LOL to your post here, too, Wordsmith! Any of those would make a great caption. :)

Monday, January 21, 2008 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

Jennifer's joke is funny; but It doesn't really fit the "spirit" of the "Chuck/Huck facts" theme. Chuck Norris facts are an internet phenomenon that uses hyperbolic tall tales.

I came up with a new Huck fact:

Huck fact: Huckabee actually does believe in the theory of evolution: in youth, one thinks with his heart, and is liberal; with age, evolves and thinks with his head, and is known as a conservative

If anyone has something similar, it will be added to the post, with credit.

Monday, January 21, 2008 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Marie's Two Cents said...

Oh why bother I never win any of this crap anyway!

Alright one,

Huck to Chuck:

"Do you know the lyrics for the Devil Went Down To Georgia"?

Monday, January 21, 2008 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

Doesn't follow the "Chuck/Huck facts" theme, but the normal caption contest. I would just add to yours, Chuck's reply: "Romney's in Georgia?! But I thought Georgia's primary isn't until Feb 5th?"

Monday, January 21, 2008 10:55:00 PM  
Blogger J_G said...

Ah, see that now? I go to all the trouble of putting up one of my best (mostly clean) jokes cause Huck looks like he's telling Chuck a dirty joke and I getts nuthin, I'm beginning to feel like Mike. It's fixed, it's fixed!!

OK, OK how's this?

Did you know that Chuck Norris was born on March 10, 1940 so that makes him almost 68 years old, he's almost as old as McCain I guess he should know that McCain is too old to be President.

If that's not bad enough; it's a no wonder Chuck Norris is always fightin someone, his Grandparents on his Mom's side were Irish. That reminds of of story I recently heard from my cousin in Belfast.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you
have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Monday, January 21, 2008 11:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Liberal Lie The Conservative Truth said...

Huck fact, He was Lt Governor to Jim Guy Tucker in Arkansas who was Lt Governor to Bill Clinton. Tucker was removed from office becuase of conviction for criminal activites associated with Whitewater and Huck became Governor. Coincidence ? Me thinks not!

Chuck to Huck - "if you don't quit with the guitar I may have to drop you right here!"

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger Mike's America said...

I object!

This is even MORE rigged than the ones before!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 7:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Clinton Caption Fraud Unit said...

A personal message to Wordsmith from Hillar Clinton

Friday, January 25, 2008 3:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Clinton Caption Fraud Unit said...

And now, a word from Don Clintoni himself!

Friday, January 25, 2008 8:24:00 PM  
Anonymous John McClinton said...

And now a word from the Clinton Lover....

Saturday, January 26, 2008 8:06:00 PM  

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