Saturday, February 10, 2007

Seussifying Bill

Well, I thought I had put Seuss behind us....but Mike sent me this lovely bit:
Bill Clinton's Testimony According to Dr. Seuss

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants
I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face
I never did it in a bed
If you think that, you've been misled
I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone
I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Suddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp
I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her 'round, but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life
I wouldn't even with my wife
And Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes
Was paid for by my right-wing foes
And Paula Jones, and those state troopers
Are just a bunch of party poopers
I did not ask my friends to lie
I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November
But if I did, I don't remember
I did not do it in the hall
I could have, but I don't recall
I never did it in my study
I never did it with my dog, Buddy
I never did it to Sox, the cat
I might have-once-with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry
I never groped Ms Betty Currie
There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel
And then endeavored to conceal
But never did these things so lewd
At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed
They do not count, if we stayed dressed
It never happened with cigar
I never dated Mrs. Starr
I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you've caught me
But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
But never, never did inhale

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6 Comments:

Blogger Mike's America said...

Wordsmith: I've created a monster... It's a Sneetch without stars on thars!

We'll have to take you to Sylvester McMonkey McBean and his star on, star off machine:

http://www.seussville.com/games/sneetches/game.html

Sunday, February 11, 2007 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Gayle said...

OMG! ROTFALMAO! That rhyme wasn't funny enough... you had to top it off with that billboard! I called Walt in here to read this and he's still walking around the house chuckling to himself. Good going, Wordsmith! Thanks for the great belly-laugh. :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

Choosing the right perfume can be difficult and because it is also considered an intimate gift buying the wrong perfume can backfire on you and get you the opposite result of that which you hoped for.

The first thing you need to do is do some homework, meaning research. Look at your lady's perfume bottles, the ones that are nearly empty will be her favorites. If there is one there that is nearly full chances are she doesn't wear it often or doesn't like it. Hint around and ask her what types of fragrances she likes and dislikes.

Humans are very sensory oriented and our sense of smell is no different. Certain perfumes can elicit strong reactions in both the wearer and the person reacting to the scent. Perfumes are made not only to attract but to also relax someone. If you aren't totally sure what kind of perfume to buy you can always play it safe and get something in the aromatherapy line. If you go this route, bear in mind that vanilla scents are considered to relax and a peppermint or lemon scent will be more stimulating.

Sunday, February 11, 2007 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

Eric: You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Eric.


The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."


Now stop with the spam and go suck on a breath mint.

Sunday, February 11, 2007 1:05:00 PM  
Blogger The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

mike....You find some pretty oddball stuff.

gayle, glad to hear you and Walt got a laugh out of this.

Sunday, February 11, 2007 5:45:00 PM  
Blogger Little Miss Chatterbox said...

LOL :-)Awesome!! I'm going to have to compile a collection of your Seuss stuff!

Sunday, February 11, 2007 8:18:00 PM  

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